I wish I could go back . . . confessions of a divorced mom.

(Verne: Spotted this in some archives of stuff I mean to post two years ago, but didn't. It's very thought-provoking. May 6, 2014)

I Wish I Could Go Back... Confessions of a Divorced Mom Kevin Hansen

Posted: 07/03/2012 3:10 am

The actions we take and decisions we make in life ultimately lead to specific outcomes. Some of these outcomes we can anticipate, and others we are simply blindsided by. One brave divorced mother decided to share her very personal, poignant and heartfelt story on my www.SecretRegrets.com online confessional. The story touched so many fans of my Secret Regrets project, and has received a lot of attention after being featured in my bestselling book, Secret Regrets: What if You Had a Second Chance?
This brutally honest story of regret brings many issues to the surface that so many married couples deal with. Issues that, if left unresolved or are ignored, often result in the breakups of marriages -- and the breakdown of families. This woman's realizations and admissions can help encourage each of us to identify what's truly important in our lives and to see if we are living life and making decisions that genuinely reflect that. If we are, we may be able to avoid a lifetime of irreversible regret. Here is her story:

"If I had a second chance, I would have quit my job when my children were born. I would have not made so many excuses to say, 'I have to work.' Because they were mostly lies. Lies told, because honestly, the weeks I did spend at home scared me to death. It was easier to hire someone to mother them, and pay her to do my job.
I would have not made excuses for only nursing my babies for a few months. I would have told my husband and my friends and my mother-in-law that I would raise my children. The heck with what they 'wanted' or 'expected' or thought I should do. My mother-in-law, although very nasty about the fact that I 'worked,' was more than happy to take my kids on weekends, when I was more than happy to be 'so tired' to raise them myself. My husband and I broke up anyway, as our lives diverged, and without family time to hold us together, we were just spending money, and making excuses for not being with our children.
But I was too obsessed with 'my life' and how I thought I was supposed to live it. Make money, have fun, be everything to all people, except those who really should mean the most to me. I was selfish, and self-absorbed. I wish I could go back and make the difference when it counts.
Now my children have no time for me. At first I was angry, but I understand. I always made excuses as to why I never had time for them. Or took them on a few errands and told people we were taking quality time. All BS. It was about me then.
Now it's too late. They have their own lives, and as my ex and I 'worked' all the time, our children learned to get comfort elsewhere. They expect us to pay for school, which we are doing, and to lend them money, which we do, but it is an artifact of our poor self-absorbed parenting that we feel we have to give them things and money, instead of giving them our time, when we had the chance.
I wish I could change the past. I'd have my children, say the heck with the huge house, and the big screen TV, and the new car every few years, and the vacations, the expensive food, the eating out, the business suits I thought I 'needed,' the radical shoes, the thought that I 'needed' lunch out every day, and the cost of day care. None of which was necessary. I would stop all the excuses, say 'NO' to spending money on anything but the essentials, forget the BS that I 'deserved' what I earned for myself, and spend my time at home and being with my children.
Now, their only concerns are what my ex and I can do for them. And, I realize they do this because we bought what we thought was love for too long. I hope they can be there for their children, but I am afraid the pattern will continue.
So, as we move forward, we continue to open the checkbook instead of our hearts." - Anonymous

If you have a divorce-related or parenting-related regret, you can freely and anonymously post it at www.SecretRegrets.com, and read additional similar regrets in Secret Regrets: What if You Had a Second Chance?

Find Secret Regrets on Facebook Here.

This Blogger's Books from

Secret Regrets: What if you had a Second Chance?
by Kevin Hansen

GRAPESHOT . . . July 11, 2012 -- Widow of vocal legend Nat 'King' Cole dies of cancer at 89.

By Verne Strickland

Load up your brain with GRAPESHOT, and shoot down all liberal, atheistic, anti-American, communist, radical Islamic, pro-choice ideas that come into your field 

 of fire. Aim sure, and shoot for effect. Your enemy is in season.
 

 ************************************

Widow of Nat 'King' Cole Dies of Cancer at 89

By THE ASSOCIATED PRESSPublished: July 11, 2012 at 10:30 PM ET

BOCA RATON, Fla. (AP) — Maria Hawkins Cole, widow of jazz crooner Nat "King" Cole and singer Natalie Cole, has died in South Florida after a short battle with cancer. She was 89.

A representative of the family confirmed that she died Tuesday at a Boca Raton hospice, surrounded by her family. 

 Before and after marrying the famed singer and piano player, Maria Cole had her own long singing career, performing with greats such as Count Basie and Duke Ellington.

Born in Boston in 1922, she lived as a child in North Carolina after her mother died, according to a statement from the family. She later moved to New York to pursue a music career

According to her family, Ellington heard recordings of Maria Cole singing and hired her as a vocalist with his orchestra. She stayed with him until 1946 when she began soloing at the city's Club Zanzibar as an opening act for the Mills Brothers. There she met Nat "King" Cole.

The two were married in 1948 by then-U.S. Rep. Adam Clayton Powell Jr. at Harlem's Abyssinian Baptist Church.

Maria Cole traveled and performed with her husband throughout the '50s. After her husband died from cancer in 1965, Maria Cole created the Cole Cancer Foundation.

Her children, Natalie, Timolin and Casey Cole, said in a joint statement, "Our mom was in a class all by herself. She epitomized, class, elegance, and truly defined what it is to be a real lady. ... She died how she lived — with great strength, courage and dignity, surrounded by her loving family."

At the time of her death Maria Cole lived in Ponte Vedra Beach, Fla. Private services will be held in Glendale, Calif.

 

 FAILURE OF HEARTLESS MUSLIM CULTURE EVIDENT IN CRUEL, GORY, EXECUTION-STYLE KILLING OF WOMAN 

Afghanistan, Afghanistan, Taliban, Video, Afghanistan Woman, Afghanistan Adultery, Afghanistan Woman Killed, Afghanistan Woman Killed Adultery, Afghanistan Woman Publicly Killed, World News

By DEB RIECHMANN 07/11/12 07:32 AM ET

KABUL, Afghanistan -- Dozens of men and women took to the streets of Kabul on Wednesday to protest the recent public slaying of an Afghan woman accused of adultery whose gruesome, execution-style killing was captured on video.

The footage, which surfaced recently, shows the woman being shot multiple times about 10 days ago in Parwan province, north of the Afghan capital. The gunman was encouraged by people who stood nearby, smiling and cheering.

Police in Parwan said the Taliban were behind the killing, but the insurgents have denied they ordered or carried out the slaying.

The death of the unidentified woman, who was said to be in her 20s, set off a storm of condemnation. President Hamid Karzai, the U.S. Embassy, the top NATO military commander in Afghanistan and activist groups all denounced the killing.

It was a reminder that girls and women still suffer shocking abuse in Afghanistan, but the protest also indicated that people's views on women's rights here could be slowly changing.

"We want the government to take action on behalf of these women ... who are victims of violence and who are being killed," said Zuhra Alamyar, a woman activist who was at the Kabul rally. "We want the government to take serious action and stop them."

The crowd of about 50 demonstrators carried large white sheets that said "International community: Where is the protection and justice for Afghan women?" They marched from the Afghan Ministry of Women's Affairs to a traffic circle near a U.N. compound, and some shouted: "Death to those who did this act!"

Despite guaranteed rights and progressive new laws, the U.N. Development Program still ranks Afghanistan as one of the world's worst countries when it comes to equal rights for women.

  Christian NFL Star looking for hair stylist who doesn't curse. And why not?

Tim Tebow is known for wearing the largest proverbial halo in professional sports. As a devout Christian, the famous 24-year-old quarterback for the NY Jets is open about his beliefs, but we never reallllly thought Tebow's faith would influence his style. Yes, style. Until now.

According to a source who talked to Celebuzz, Tebow stepped inside the Chris McMillan Salon in Beverly Hills (the same one frequented by Jennifer Aniston, who's BFFs with McMillan) to get his ears lowered in time for the 2012 Espy Awards on Wednesday. An onlooker claims to have overheard Tebow present the chi-chi salon with one unusual request: "He asked for a woman to cut his hair who doesn’t curse.”

Hmmm. Tebow also popped up at a New Jersey hair salon just last month -- we wonder if he got any Jersey residents to curb their tongues as well.

The son of missionaries, Tebow -- who's actually modeled in his own Jockey fashion show -- is widely known for his religious beliefs, publicly declaring his virginity and preaching sermons to packed football stadiums. Then, of course, there's "Tebowing," the meme based on aping the quarterback's post-touchdown prayer posture that spread like Internet wildfire last year.

Move to Close 9 Border Patrol Stations Spurs Outrage 

Tuesday, 10 Jul 2012 06:37 PM   By Todd Beamon / NEWSMAX

A move by the Obama administration to close nine Border Patrol stations over four states has spurred outrage from local officials, members of Congress — even Border Patrol agents.

Though the affected stations are scattered throughout northern and central Texas, and three other states, critics say closing them will undercut anti-immigration efforts in busy areas north of the U.S.-Mexico border, Fox News reports.

One Border Patrol supervisor in Texas, has asked local officers to “voice your concerns” to elected officials, since the closures would remove agents from the Texas Panhandle. Several members of Congress have asked Border Patrol Chief Michael Fisher to reconsider the plan.

“It could impact us tremendously, since we've only got two agents up here now for 26 counties," Potter County Sheriff Brian Thomas told Fox.

Potter County, in the Texas Panhandle, would be affected by the planned closure of the Amarillo station.
While his area is far from the border, Thomas called it a major corridor for illegal immigrants. His office depends on the Border Patrol for help.

“I can't hold a carload of people out there on I-40 for eight hours while somebody comes from El Paso,” Thomas told Fox. “I mean, that’s just crazy.”

Happy anniversary, Roswell, N.M. It was 65 years ago today that the Roswell Daily Record blasted an infamous headline claiming local military officials had captured a flying saucer on a nearby ranch. And now, a former CIA agent says it really happened.
"It was not a damn weather balloon -- it was what it was billed when people first reported it," said Chase Brandon, a 35-year CIA veteran. "It was a craft that clearly did not come from this planet, it crashed and I don't doubt for a second that the use of the word 'remains' and 'cadavers' was exactly what people were talking about."

Brandon served as an undercover, covert operations officer in the agency's Clandestine Service for 25 years,"
Watch this video from a 1989 episode of 'Unsolved Mysteries UFO Files: Roswell.'
Brandon is currently promoting his book, "The Cryptos Conundrum," a science fiction story about the history of Earth, contact with extraterrestrials and imagined cataclysmic events on our planet.

GOP: Vulnerable Democrats will back healthcare law repeal vote

By Elise Viebeck and Russell Berman - 07/10/12 05:00 AM ET

House Republicans are predicting several more Democrats will join them Wednesday for the chamber’s second vote to repeal the healthcare law.
Only three Democrats voted for repeal after the GOP took control of the House last year, but Republicans are confident they can add to this number on Wednesday in spite of the Supreme Court’s ruling that the law is constitutional.

Already, one politically vulnerable Democrat, Rep. Larry Kissell (N.C.), has said he will vote to repeal the healthcare law after opposing the same measure a year ago.

JOHNNY GET YOUR GUN!
The United Nations is deliberating over a treaty that will place comprehensive limits on the international weapons trade. The language of the draft agreement is so expansive it wouldn’t take an Obama-appointed judge very long to extend the treaty to cover the domestic firearms market as well. If American jurists continue to be enamored by the popular trend to consider international precedence when making U.S. rulings, you can kiss the Second Amendment goodbye. 

SAY WHAT? As several of the race cars wrecked, the track erupted in a pillow of fire.

As homicides spike, Chicago mayor defends tactics

By DON BABWIN | Associated Press – 1 hr 59 mins ago

CHICAGO (AP) — Chicago's mayor and police superintendent publicly defended their new gang-fighting strategy Monday amid growing criticism that the changes are failing and a big reason why the city's homicide rate has soared this year.

After weeks of media reports about Chicago homicides — which so far are up nearly 38 percent from last year — Mayor Rahm Emanuel and Police Superintendent Garry McCarthy defiantly said during a news conference that the gang strategies in place before McCarthy arrived were the ones that failed, not the new ones.

ht track in their fight against street gangs.

"This weekend, there was half the number of shootings, half the number of murders as we had the same time last year," McCarthy said. He also noted that the amount of shootings over the weekend marked the fewest since February.

Quietly, though, some police officers have wondered about the wisdom of disbanding the large specialized units that were deployed by McCarthy's two immediate predecessors, Jody Weis and Phil Cline.

RNC EVENT IN PORT CITY BOOSTS GOP OUTLOOK 07/07/2012 05:41 PM 

Katy Rufener (News 14) did wonderful job on this story.
WILMINGTON— RNC and the Romney for President campaign opened new Victory Offices 7/7/12 in several communities throughout North Carolina. Volunteers hit the streets and the phone lines to gather support for the republican candidates. While Republicans said it was a busy day, it was only the beginning of the long campaign trail ahead. Republican volunteers made one campaign phone call after another. Fingers were dialing so quickly, the volunteers in the new Wilmington Victory Office ran out of numbers to call only one hour after starting.

PHOTO (BELOW) This is not the RNC/Romney office opening in Wilmington. It is the 2012 running of the bulls in Pamplona, Spain. No reliable report on how many were gored at either event.

ILARIO LOOKING GOOD ON NEWS 14 TV: Ilario Pantano, interviewed at RNC/Romney Victory Office 2012 opening in Wilmington (7/7/12) still looking great as he pledged his support to Sen. David Rouzer in November General Election. “This election is bigger than David or me,” he said. Attaboy, Marine!

COMING SOON on Cancer Walk – How Cancer Saved My Marriage.

MOST BLACK CHILDREN IN U.S. CAN’T SWIM. IT’S KILLING THEM!

A story about the appallingly high percentage of black American children who don’t know how to swim is causing a few ripples. I ran the explosive article on my blog USA DOT COM, and it may have offended some. I don’t want to upset anyone, but I will be pleased if the post is causing some alarm. Hopefully it will save some lives.

Here are just a few of the facts posted:

·  A major study quizzed 2,000 children and parents in six US cities.

·  CDC recorded 3,443 fatal accidental drownings in 2007.

·  Drowning is second greatest cause of accidental death in children under 14.

·  African-American children aged 5 to 14 3.1 times more likely to drown

USA Dot Com: Why can't black Americans swim? The full story right here. http://bit.ly/NgCwg5